Crazytown

Our son tends to internalize his feelings and get angry when he is sad or upset about something.  There has been a whole lot of internalizing and stuffing going on since his diagnosis.  A couple of years ago Seth got his own dog, Mitzi.  She is a firecracker, a bundle of energy and Seth's bud.  He has cried into her fur when D got to be too much, and she always gets it.  She has licked the blood of finger pricks away (gross, but he's a boy), worried with me when he is low and guarded him when I have come in to do middle of the night checks.

Last Friday evening when I got home from work I noticed that she was a bit sluggish, but we chalked it up to her being outside while hubby got ready for our garage sale and wearing herself out.  Her stubby little legs get tired easily.  Saturday she just wanted to snuggle with me, but when I took her downstairs it was apparant that something was wrong, but what.  She was just acting a little different, but there was nothing obviously wrong...we kept her quiet and she wanted to be in her cage, so we moved it into the house, we thought she might be a little bit sick. 

But, when I got home from work on Tuesday, I took one look at her and rushed her to the vet. She could not hold her back end up, it would flop over whenever she tried to stand up and her back feet were rolling over and she was walking on the tops of her feet.  My son had crocodile tears in his eyes when he asked me to "fix her".  I asked if he wanted to come with me and he quickly shook his head and said "no, he didn't want to be there...just in case".

The vet I took her to is a DVM who also practices holistic medicine. So we are doing a lot of alternative treatments as well.

At our appointment on Tuesday the vet determined that Mitzi somehow damaged a disc in her back, it is pretty common in long spined dogs such as her breed.  She was extremely hopeful that Mitzi would recover.  She was still wagging her tail, holding some weight on her back end, and feeling deep pain.

Today we went back, she is still wagging her tail and feeling deep pain.  She is no longer holding weight on her back end and she has lost urine and bowel control.  BUT, the vet is still hoping that once the swelling comes down that she will fully recover.  She asked if we would give her a couple of weeks of working with Mitzi before we make "the decision".

So on top of D, I am trying to save a parapalegic dog.  She is wearing diapers now and I am doing my darndest to "save her" for my son.

D, new job, sick dog, it's always crazy around here, I'm the mayor of crazytown!  :)

A Meaningful Choice

The end of July, the librarian that I work with texted me to tell me about 2 elementary school librarian positions that were open so that I could apply for them if I choose.  I scooted on over to the district website and saw those positions...but I also saw that a position as a library assistant at the high school my kids will be attending in 2 years was open.  I immediately saw the possibilities in this so  I applied.

I have been commuting 35 minutes to work, this school is 10 minutes away and it is only 1/2 mile from the school my children currently attend.  I am right down the road if Seth has a D emergency, there is a LOT of comfort in that, not to mention that the teen/hormone years will be much easier when we can tweak and do our pump magic at school together.  (The other assistant had some asperger issues with her son so they worked out a sign if he wanted to talk to her at school and then they had a place in the stacks they would meet and talk, I think this is a great idea and am going to offer that to my super private son.)

And seriously, how could I pass up the opportunity to work in the same school my kids will attend, get to know the same kids they will know, rub shoulders with the teachers who see them everyday?  If I can't be at home mom...this is the next best thing.

So Mark and I talked and I made the decision to table my dream of being an elementary librarian to further my dream of being mom to my children.  I only have 6 short years (this takes my breath away to even type it) of my children at home...I have plenty of time.  I don't ever want to have regrets.

Yesterday, when I accepted this position, I made a meaningful choice for myself and my family.  I feel blessed.

~B

Lost

Have you ever struggled with where you are?  That's where I am at right now.  REALLY struggling with me and personal (not family) relationships and how they impact my family...and while I am trying to figure it out I have been keeping to myself, it's what I do.  As a mama bear, it is our nature to protect and defend.  But this situation continues to defeat me and I just am at a loss at to how to overcome this continuing the way we have been.  Yet doing something different causes loss and heartache for my children...as I said....STRUGGLING.

My summer is over, I've started back to work...it's always a rough transition from summer to school year.  Especially when the kids are home for 2 weeks while I'm at work getting things ready until their school year starts.

Anyway...

Lost in thought.
~Becky