Monday, March 4, 2013

D's trying to win...UGH

Obviously it has been a lengthy break...Seth has been sick in some way or another since November.  His D numbers are whacked and I am so overwhelmed that I can only PRAY we survive until Spring Break next week.  He is finally getting healthy, but now.  Ugh, NOW.  I wish I could post that we are rocking right along, but somewhere along the way this year, Seth's hormones have kicked in and so has anger, defiance, disprespect, yelling... and overnight my sweet boy has disappeared.  I mourne the loss of him, it physically hurts the direction our relationship is going.  This is a post I made today in one of my online forums, it's just mentally easier to cut and paste the basics and add to that than it is to relive.

I am honestly at my wit’s end with my son.  I have become the enemy in his eyes and he does not want me involved on any level in his D care.  I have been backing off, per his request, and not taking as much of an active role in his care and it is totally biting me (and him) in the butt.

The school nurse called last week and said that she doesn’t feel like Seth is being honest when he is telling her his numbers.  I downloaded his pump that evening.  When he asked to take a CGMS break, it was agreed that he should be testing 10-12 times a day because he is wrestling and swimming for P.E.  It had been two weeks since I had downloaded his pump and during the two week period, he had tested 45 times, by my calculations he should have tested a minimum of 140 times.  Many times he ate without testing or even bolusing.  Seth was straight up lying about testing, he was making up these glorious numbers, when he was flying high.

He had a wrestling tournament this past weekend and it involved him being gone extended hours, 3-8 Thursday, 9-9 Friday and 6am-10pm Saturday.  He and I had a chat about personal responsibility, calling me with his numbers, what a good range is for him to be when he hits the mat, etc.  And he was so sincere, I was relieved…lesson learned.   He called periodically on Thursday and less on Friday.  He was done for the day by the time I got off work on Friday.  When his dad and I got to the tournament on Saturday at noon, he had already been self-managing for 6 hours.  We talked for a bit, found out when his next match was and then I carefully asked what his number was.  His completely over the top response was that he was 175 and he is sick and tired of being just a number to me, this is his D and none of this is  His attack was very rude and vile and ANGRY,  people stopped cheering for the wrestlers and stared at us.  I was speechless…and then p.o’d.  and I still didn’t get it, until his dad said, show us your meter son.  We want to see that 175.  His only test for that whole day since I had dropped him off was taken about 10 minutes before he came to see us (which was about the time we got there and were walking around looking for him) and he was 400.  I let his dad deal with him since he doesn’t try the attitude with him as much as he does with me.  We let him wrestle his match, which he lost and which eliminated him from the tournament and then I went and told his coach that Seth was experiencing some integrity issues, was not being at all honest about his D numbers and as such we couldn’t trust him to self-manage at the tournament, so rather than let him stay the rest of the day, he would be leaving with us.  Coach was not happy with Seth, because he trusts Seth to manage himself honestly, so he agreed that Seth needed to leave.  Oh Seth hit the roof when he heard I told the coach, said it was a family matter that should have stayed within the family.  I told him I disagreed, that it was very much a matter that coach needed to know about.

When I called the nurse today to let her know what had happened this weekend and that he needs to show her his meter every time he tests until he earns trust back, she said he had just lied to her, told her his number was 62 when it was actually 82…so it’s not just me that he is being dishonest with.
I am in the process of looking for a counselor.  Due to his crummy grades, he has not had any electronics for 6 weeks, so I have no idea what to do punishment wise.  I am just so afraid that if we don’t figure out a way to address these D issues and the behavioral issues with Seth, we are going to lose him and look back years from now as this being the pivotal moment.

I want my boy back in the worst way and I don't know how much of his attitude is D or hormones.  UGH, UGH, UGH!