Thankful...not a big enough word

I am sitting here completely at a loss for words.  My heart is overflowing and thankful does not even seem to be a big enough word.

As we have gotten deeper into our diabetic world and the world of diabetes advocacy.  I have heard countless stories of people denied the medical supplies they need by their insurance companies to live their life to the fullest while managing their D.  Strangers in offices thousands of miles away look at a patients name and their diagnosis on a piece of paper and decide that they should only NEED to test their blood sugar 1x a day, or X amount of insulin should be enough for the month.  Countless patients and parents spend hundreds of dollars out of their pocked on a monthly basis for necessary medical supplies/medicines that insurance will not cover.  Strangers look at the short term financial output and do not look at the short term AND the long term medical gain of these decisions.

Our family has been incredibly blessed to have an insurance company who is very pro-diabetes.  They have covered 4 different meters for us this year as we have switched to find "the one" that is a good fit for us.  They have covered an insulin pump and all the supplies for it 100% so that Seth can have the best chance at the most normal life he can live.  They completely shocked me when they went against the norm and instead of fighting me and making me prove our need for a Continuous Glucose Monitoring System, they approved it  because they saw the value of having this information in our D arsenal.

Today, they stunned me.  In August I asked Medtronic to check with our insurance company and see if they would cover the MySentry.  It is a monitoring system that communicates with Seth's CGMS system that wirelessly transmits his BG numbers to a screen that sits by my bed, but I can take it with me anywhere in my house.  It will sound an alarm to wake me if he goes low, or goes high.  It will eliminate my need to get up and do middle of the night checks, and I think it will help Seth feel like I am a little less naggy about his numbers because I can look at a screen rather than ask to see his pump.

Medtronic called me today to tell me that my insurance company covered the MySentry 100%.  They will be shipping it out and we will receive it on Wednesday.  Medtronic was excited because this helps them encourage other insurance companies to cover the equipment as well.

Once again I want to say a big ginormous thank you to my insurance company.  They have been incredible and not having to fight for every little thing for Seth's care this year has made this diagnosis, just a titch easier to handle.  We have enough battles to fight.

I hope every single one of you has a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I will be counting my blessings...and looking at the Black Friday ads.  :)

DAD: Diabetes Awareness Day

Today is Diabetes Awareness Day (DAD)...I had some great plans and true to form, D has decided it needs to take a starring role this week, swimming and wrestling are kicking my butt numbers wise.  Sleep, whats that?  So just know, I had some GREAT plans.  :(

I planned ahead.  I ordered DAD t-shirts for my whole family to wear today.  They got held up with the storm on the east coast and then the company mailed them this really weird way which insures it will take the absolute longest way possible to Alaska...I have no idea when they will actually arrive.  But they were ordered over 3 weeks ago.  I guess this just means I am UBER prepared for next years DAD day.  :)

Seth was officially Diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and admitted to the hospital in Diabetic Ketoacidosis earlier this year on January 4, 2012.

It has been:

• 27, 302, 400 Seconds or
• 455,040 Minutes or
• 316 Days or
• 45.143 Weeks

that we have lived with Diabetes.  What does this mean?  It means that since diagnosis:

• 2528= the number of times Seth has pricked his fingers to test his blood (averaging 8x a day)
• 11,060= the number of units of Insulin Seth has used to keep himself alive (11 bottles)
• 57%= the number of times Seth's BG is high when we test
• 316=the number of night checks we have done at 3 am
• $57,659.00= the cost of Seth's Diabetic care this year.  Hospital x 5 days, Insulin Pump and CGMS shoot this figure right up there.
• $800.00= the cost of Seth's monthly prescriptions before insurance.
• 316= the number of days I have found a used BG strip somewhere other than the trash.  The weirdest place so far was in the dishwasher, no idea how that got there.
• 6= the number of BG monitors we have gone through this year.  We now have 2 main ones (Telcare) and 3 back up ones.  A backup in the nurses office, Seth's wrestling bag and my purse.
• 2= average number of daily phone calls I get from Seth or someone at his school to confer with me on D care.

What I want to represent with these numbers is how consuming D is.  There really is no break.  It is always there, if it's not in the forefront, it is in the back of our minds at all times.

My sister took the T1D challenge for a day and she received 14 texts before opting out for the night.  She said it was very eye opening to realize how often she was reminded of decision she needed to make related to D and it made her sad to think of a 13 year old always having to think about it.

And lastly...I want to thank everyone who supports us in this journey and our battle.  Your support and encouragement mean the world to us and make it easier for us to fight the fight each day.

We are wearing our plain (wah) blue t-shirts today, did anyone else join us?

Love,

Becky

Happy Birthday

November 12, 2012

There are no words to describe how much this kid means to me.  Today he turns 13, a teenager.  I am filled with wonder and excitement as I contemplate is future.  His possibilities are amazing and inspiring.  Every day he comes up with something new he wants to be “when he grows up” and I love to listen to his ideas.

Right now at the top of his list:

A video game designer, or tester

Heavy Equipment Operator in the Military

Doctor who cures Diabetes (I LOVE THIS ONE!)

Seth, you are an amazing young man facing a world full of possibilities and opportunities.  You bring light and joy to us and I am so blessed to call myself your mom.  As you work more towards your independence, don’t forget that your dad and I are always here to guide and protect you and be your home base...and rein you in, it’s our job. Most importantly, ALWAYS remember that you can pray to your Father in Heaven for guidance and assurance in your decisions.  We love you buddy.

T1: Every 8 Seconds

Pretty sobering, huh?  According to the American Diabetes Associations Website:

Morbidity and Mortality

• In 2007, diabetes was listed as the underlying cause on 71,382 death certificates and was listed as a contributing factor on an additional 160,022 death certificates. This means that diabetes contributed to a total of 231,404 deaths.

I feel very strongly that it is my duty as Seth's mom, to empower him to be the best manager of his diabetes, the most vocal advocate for his medical needs and to surround himself with a strong support system so that he can be successful in his diabetic care and do his very best to minimize his diabetic complications...I will do everything within my power to ensure he is not part of these statistics.

T1: Complications

• Complications:
• Type 1 diabetes can affect many major organs in your body, including your heart, blood vessels, nerves, eyes and kidneys. Keeping your blood sugar level close to normal most of the time can dramatically reduce the risk of many complications.
• Long-term complications of type 1 diabetes develop gradually, over years. The earlier you develop diabetes — and the less controlled your blood sugar — the higher the risk of complications. Eventually, diabetes complications may be disabling or even life-threatening.
• ·         Heart and blood vessel disease. Diabetes dramatically increases your risk of various cardiovascular problems, including coronary artery disease with chest pain (angina), heart attack, stroke, narrowing of the arteries (atherosclerosis) and high blood pressure. In fact, about 65 percent of people who have type 1 or type 2 diabetes die of some type of heart or blood vessel disease, according to the American Heart Association.
• ·         Nerve damage (neuropathy). Excess sugar can injure the walls of the tiny blood vessels (capillaries) that nourish your nerves, especially in the legs. This can cause tingling, numbness, burning or pain that usually begins at the tips of the toes or fingers and gradually spreads upward. Poorly controlled blood sugar could cause you to eventually lose all sense of feeling in the affected limbs. Damage to the nerves that affect the gastrointestinal tract can cause problems with nausea, vomiting, diarrhea or constipation. For men, erectile dysfunction may be an issue.
• ·         Kidney damage (nephropathy). The kidneys contain millions of tiny blood vessel clusters that filter waste from your blood. Diabetes can damage this delicate filtering system. Severe damage can lead to kidney failure or irreversible end-stage kidney disease, requiring dialysis or a kidney transplant.
• ·         Eye damage. Diabetes can damage the blood vessels of the retina (diabetic retinopathy), potentially leading to blindness. Diabetes also increases the risk of other serious vision conditions, such as cataracts and glaucoma.
• ·         Foot damage. Nerve damage in the feet or poor blood flow to the feet increases the risk of various foot complications. Left untreated, cuts and blisters can become serious infections. Severe damage might require toe, foot or even leg amputation.
• ·         Skin and mouth conditions. Diabetes may leave you more susceptible to skin problems, including bacterial and fungal infections. Gum infections also may be a concern, especially if you have a history of poor dental hygiene.
• ·         Osteoporosis. Diabetes may lead to lower than normal bone mineral density, increasing your risk of osteoporosis.
• ·         Pregnancy complications. High blood sugar levels can be dangerous for both the mother and the baby. The risk of miscarriage, stillbirth and birth defects are increased when diabetes isn't well controlled. For the mother, diabetes increases the risk of diabetic ketoacidosis, diabetic eye problems (retinopathy), pregnancy-induced high blood pressure and preeclampsia.
• ·         Hearing problems. Hearing impairments occur more often in people with diabetes.

  ~B

T1: Risk Factors

• Risk Factors
• There aren't many known risk factors for type 1 diabetes, though researchers continue to find new possibilities. Some known risk factors include:
• ·         A family history. Anyone with a parent or sibling with type 1 diabetes has a slightly increased risk of developing the condition.
• ·         Genetics. The presence of certain genes indicates an increased risk of developing type 1 diabetes. In some cases — usually through a clinical trial — genetic testing can be done to determine if someone who has a family history of type 1 diabetes is at increased risk of developing the condition.
• ·         Geography. The incidence of type 1 diabetes tends to increase as you travel away from the equator.
• ·         Viral exposure.
• ·         Low vitamin D levels. Research suggests that vitamin D may be protective against type 1 diabetes.

~B

T1: Causes

Causes:

The exact cause of type 1 diabetes is unknown. Scientists do know that in most people with type 1 diabetes, their body's own immune system — which normally fights harmful bacteria and viruses — mistakenly destroys the insulin-producing (islet) cells in the pancreas. Genetics may play a role in this process, and exposure to certain viruses may trigger the disease.

Whatever the cause, once the islet cells are destroyed, you'll produce little or no insulin. Normally, the hormone insulin helps glucose enter your cells to provide energy to your muscles and tissues. Insulin comes from the pancreas, a gland located just behind the stomach. When everything is working properly, once you eat, the pancreas secretes insulin into the bloodstream. As insulin circulates, it acts like a key by unlocking microscopic doors that allow sugar to enter the body's cells. Insulin lowers the amount of sugar in the bloodstream, and as the blood sugar level drops, so does the secretion of insulin from the pancreas.

The liver acts as a glucose storage and manufacturing center. When insulin levels are low — when you haven't eaten in a while, for example — the liver converts stored glycogen back to glucose to keep your blood glucose level within a normal range.

In type 1 diabetes, none of this occurs because there's no insulin to let glucose into the cells. So instead of being transported into your cells, sugar builds up in your bloodstream, where it can cause life-threatening complications.

Seth was eating and drinking normally, but he lost 25 pounds in a brief period of time.  He was literally starving to death because his cells were not receiving the nutrition from the food he was consuming.  I look at pictures now and it is so obvious that he was sick, but seeing him every day, it was not as obvious.

However, the day before I took him to the doctor I knew in my heart what the diagnosis was going to be, something had finally clicked and all the bits and pieces of information that I had seen finally broke through the filter in my brain and I was not shocked at all when the doctor said...DIABETES.

If this blog or this information helps someone in their journey or puts a piece of information in their brain that helps them...then it has been successful.

T1: for a day?

The Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation is offering you the chance to walk in a T1's footsteps for a day...will you accept the challenge?

JDRF Website:  "When you sign up for theT1D for a Day text challenge, you agree to receive as many as 24 text messages over a 24-hour period that simulate the constant blood sugar testing, insulin injections, and dietary decisions that confront people with T1D."

At first glance, it doesn't sound like it will be that big of a deal, or really give you a lot of insight into this condition.  But IT IS!  It's a way for someone without diabetes to get a very slight idea of just how pervasive Type 1 diabetes is during the course of the day.  Testing blood sugars, calculating insuling doses, figuring out food choices, cramming in some exercise and figuring out why numbers don't match?  That gives you just a SLIGHT sense of diabetes knocking on your door all day long.  This exercise is brought to life by the JDRF.

One the statements from their website is:

"While no virtual campaign can recreate the many needles required or the physical and financial tolls of this serious disease, T1D for a Day seeks to deepen understanding of the many heroic steps our friends and loved ones with T1D take each day."

To sign up for T1D for a Day, text T1D4ADAY to 63566. You will receive a confirmation text that will cycle you through registration.  Or you can CLICK HERE to sign up through the web. 

Heartfelt thanks to anyone who supports a person with diabetes (PWD) everyday by being a friend or a loved one.  PWD's have a heavy load to carry and having others who understand or seek to understand, means the more than you can imagine.

If you take the challenge and would like to share your experience, I would LOVE to hear it either via email (link on the right sidebar) or leave me a comment.

T1: Symptoms

Symptoms:

Type 1 diabetes signs and symptoms can come on quickly and may include:

·         Increased thirst and frequent urination. As excess sugar builds up in your bloodstream, fluid is pulled from your tissues. This may leave you thirsty. As a result, you may drink — and urinate — more than usual.

·         Extreme hunger. Without enough insulin to move sugar into your cells, your muscles and organs become depleted of energy. This triggers intense hunger that may persist even after you eat. Without insulin, the sugar in your food never reaches your energy-starved tissues.

·         Weight loss. Despite eating more than usual to relieve hunger, you may lose weight — sometimes rapidly. Without the energy sugar supplies, your muscle tissues and fat stores may simply shrink.

·         Fatigue. If your cells are deprived of sugar, you may become tired and irritable.

·         Blurred vision. If your blood sugar level is too high, fluid may be pulled from your tissues — including the lenses of your eyes. This may affect your ability to focus clearly.

I  If you or someone you love is experiencing symptoms like this, please seek medical attention quickly.

   ~Becky

T1: Diabetes

Type 1 Diabetes (Juvenile Diabetes/Insulin Dependent):

Type 1 diabetes, once known as juvenile diabetes or insulin-dependent diabetes, is a chronic condition in which the pancreas produces little or no insulin, a hormone your body needs to allow sugar (glucose) to enter cells to produce energy. Although type 1 diabetes typically appears during adolescence, it can develop at any age.  Despite active research, type 1 diabetes has NO CURE, although it can be managed.

I started with this because I have received advice from several people, who I am sure were very well meaning.  But contrary to well meaning advice, I want and need people to understand that:

• Changing Seth's diet will not reverse Type 1 Diabetes.  We count Seth's carb's at every meal as a way of counteracting them with insulin.  Carb's= sugar.  Any sugar Seth eats when his blood sugar is within normal range must be balanced with insulin to keep him from having too much sugar in his system.  We practice healthy eating, but we also do not restrict his diet any more than we do Leah's.
• Seth MUST have insulin to live.  Without it he WILL DIE.
• Seth does not have the bad kind of diabetes (just because he is on insulin).  Ask any person who has any of the types of diabetes...they all suck.
• This has not gotten easier, we still work to manage this on a day to day, hour by hour,minute by minute basis.  What works one day, does not necessarily work the next.  There is no autopilot for diabetes.

Diabetes struck us when Seth was 12.  You can read our diagnosis story, the links are in the right hand column.  If you are concerned that you or your child may have diabetes, please seek medical attention.

~Becky

November: Diabetes Awareness Month

November is designated as Diabetes Awareness Month...funny, last November, I had no idea how intimately  familiar I would become with Diabetes.

Diabetes affects nearly 24 million Americans, that is 7.8 percent of the population.

November 14th is World Diabetes Day!  A day designated to bring awareness to this disease and blue is the color assigned to Diabetes.  Will you join me in wearing blue that day to help get the word out? If you wear blue take a picture, I'd LOVE to see it.  You can email me a picture or a blog link, leave a link to your blog in the comments, or if you have a Facebook account and want to post a picture, make sure to tag me (Becky Sossaman Dustin) so I can check it out.  If you want to share diabetes information, you could post a link to my blog, the Diabetes 101 tab would be marvelous, or the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation is a good source for people to find out more information.

I am dedicating myself and this blog to Diabetes Education this month.  I will be focusing on both the sobering educational facts as well sharing how Diabetes is having to fit into our lives.  It's a journey that's for sure...join me for the ride.

Honeymoon's Over

We had Seth's quarterly appointment on Monday.  It was good and bad.  The doctor was all over Seth for his risky behavior.  It was nice to have back up with that.  We even said that if he continues to bolus without testing, we will discuss going back to shots and taking a pump break...he was not happy about that.

The big news is...the Honeymoon is over.

Seth's pancreas is no longer producing any insulin.at.all.  His insulin needs in the last 4-6 weeks have doubled and I didn't catch what was happening because I have been so tied up emotionally with my mom that it has just exhausted me..I need to let some of that go, because my children need to be my first priority.  Where he was using around 20 units a day, we are now using 40-50.  That explains why I have not been able to get him in range very easily despite making some adjustments to his pump.  We have adjusted it some more and are starting to see better numbers.

The bad news...we got his A1C result.

9.9

Oh.my.gosh...that means his blood glucose has averaged 237.4 for the last three months.  Hanging head in shame. I was prepared for a bad number...but this shocked me and woke me up that I cannot be on autopilot.  I feel awful.

I guess the good news is we will definately see an improved A1C in January.  :)

Seth wants to join the wrestling squad...we are coming up with a plan for that.  Does anyone have experience keeping the pump site in during wrestling practice/meets that would like to impart some wisdom?

~B

Mitzi Update: 2

In amongst all my crazy...I realized I have neglected to update about Mitzi.

She has come a long way my friends.  She graduated from therapy last week.  We continue to work with her at home as she is still not 100%, but she is walking completely on her own now, no wheelchair.  She has regained control of her body functions (thank heavens) and tell us when she needs to go out, q-tipping her to poo was NO FUN!

She still has residual weakness in her hind legs, the vet is unsure at this time if that is permanent or if she will regain that over time.  Time will tell and we are doing are best to help her.  Daily we can see that she is making progress.  She can now chase her ball, albeit slower than before, do her Mitzi peck and most importantly snuggle with our son unimpeded.  Life is good...and we have much to be thankful for.

Mitzi Before

Take a look at her now, go Mitizi go!

That's Seth's happy face...boys, whadya gonna do?

Kicking it!

If you have stuck with me through all my whines...thank you.  I have put on my big girl panties and we are kicking 2012 back!

Now that we have had more time and a consultation with the doctor, we have discovered that Thyroid Cancer is pretty easy to treat.  Who knew?  And it would have been nice if the doctor would have shared that when he called and dropped the C bomb at 4:45 on a Friday evening and said "lets talk next week about treatment options".  But what do I know?  Maybe he had somewhere to be that was more important than setting our minds at ease.

Turns out they give you a mega dose of thyroid to stop your pituitary gland from producing the hormone that your thyroid normally produces and that the cancer feeds off of.  So...my mom takes a pill and it keeps the cancer in check.

She is still in stage 3 (of 5) Kidney Failure.  It is my understanding that:

Stage 4 = Dialysis
Stage 5 = Transplant list

She meets with the doctor next week to see what Stage 3 means and if it is reversible, etc...this scares me more as it is a huge fear of mine for Seth later in his life.

Seth and his diabetes is really what this blog was designed to be about, it evolved a bit, but it always comes back to that.  Because diabetes is not as easy to treat as thyroid cancer.  :)

Seth is in full diabetes rebellion/burn out.  And.it.super.sucks.

Arguing about testing....check!
Not testing when he's not with me...check!
Lying about his numbers if I don't make him show me the BG screen...check!
Bolusing (giving himself insulin) without testing...check!
Eating without bolusing...check!
Dropping his BG tester that wirelessly transmitted to his pump into the slough...booyah!

BLERGH!!!  The good news is that our insurance has finally seen the light and started covering the strips for my previously purchased Telcare meter...and now that Mr. Smartie has ruined his aforementioned tester that wirelessly transmitted to his pump with slough water, we are again using my beloved Telcare.  I call that a happy natural consequence.  :)

So now there is no lying about numbers or getting away with no testing, because if I don't receive the text with his BG number...he is busted.  I am in LOVE with this meter, it has solved a few of these issues and I am working with Seth on the others while trying my hardest to be empathetic as to what it is like to be in his shoes.

We go in Monday for his quarterly A1C...I fully expect a crummy number.  Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to get through to him how serious this is?  I lay awake at night worrying about what this is doing to his body.  I know I am here to be his parent and not his friend, but this is driving a serious wedge between he and I.  D Moms...I could use some advice.  :)  I have my big girl panties on and I am ready to deal.

Blergh...enough.

Yesterday...our little part of the world cracked a little bit more.  The doctor called and said "it's cancer".  Her surgery did not go as we'll as we had hoped.  They took mom from me at 7:17 for what they estimated would be a 90 minute procedure and it was 11:15 when they got done.  The doctor came and talked to me and was very optimistic.  Said I could see her in about an hour as long as she woke up ok.  3.5 hours later, I was finally taken back to her.

We have been discussing her options from a family standpoint.  But are waiting to hear what stage it is at...that will take a week.

Mom and I went out to dinner last night and she also broke the news to me that she is in stage 3 of renal (kidney) failure.  Meaning...I don't know if her body CAN handle chemo or radiation treatment.

I don't even know what to say at this point...we are badly battered and bruised.  Is it possible to feel like an orphan at my age.  Cause I feel pretty lost right now.

2012 has sucked on so many levels and every time I think I'm about to overcome it, it kicks me in the teeth AGAIN.

Praying for strength and courage.

Bear with me

Please bear with me...I am flying down to Anchorage to  be with my mom.  She has recovered from her stroke (YAY) but is having surgery Thursday to have 1/2 of her thyroid removed to see if it is cancerous...prayers please?  This will be hubby's first time completely managing D for an extended period where I can't just run home and take care of stuff...pray for them too?

Oh...and good news.  Mitzi is recovering.  She is now walking 75% of the time without the wheelchair.  I'll post video...it's amazing how far she has come. Lot's of good things happening, just need a titch more.  :)

Hugs to all of you.

When it rains it POURS

They say when it rains, it pours...I am in the middle of the storm and I have no idea how to reach shore.  I am a strong person, but this year...2012 has brought me to my knees.  Starting with Seth's diagnosis, a family issue that I am still struggling with, my son's dog's paralysis and on Monday my mom had a mini-stroke.  I am throwing up my flag of surrender, I am not in control in any way shape or form.  I am just along for the ride on this tempest tossed sea of life.

Serenity now! (Any Seinfeld fans out there?)

Mom is home, she has lost use of her right hand, but we are hopeful with therapy she will regain that.  My mom means the world to me.  I cannot imagine my world without her.

~B

Mitzi update

I wish I could say that she is better.  The vet is still hopeful she will get better and we are knee deep in rehab, but we have also ordered a wheel chair for her to get around the house.  :(

This is a video we took of Mitzi yesterday before we started water therapy:

She is still unable to stand up on her own, but she is able to hold her weight for about 5 minutes once we get her up.  She has a hard time on the carpet, but once she gets her feet behind her she can drag herself pretty good.  We don't want her to rub her feet raw though, so we have ordered a wheelchair for her as a temporary solution...cause really, how does a dog tell you she wants a drink of water?

Today was a big day for her, it was her first day on the water treadmill.  The water makes her rear end buoyant and then the vet tech gets in their and simulates walking.  We were thrilled to see that about 4 times during her session she tried to move her hind legs herself....that is excellent!

~Becky

Crazytown

Our son tends to internalize his feelings and get angry when he is sad or upset about something.  There has been a whole lot of internalizing and stuffing going on since his diagnosis.  A couple of years ago Seth got his own dog, Mitzi.  She is a firecracker, a bundle of energy and Seth's bud.  He has cried into her fur when D got to be too much, and she always gets it.  She has licked the blood of finger pricks away (gross, but he's a boy), worried with me when he is low and guarded him when I have come in to do middle of the night checks.

Last Friday evening when I got home from work I noticed that she was a bit sluggish, but we chalked it up to her being outside while hubby got ready for our garage sale and wearing herself out.  Her stubby little legs get tired easily.  Saturday she just wanted to snuggle with me, but when I took her downstairs it was apparant that something was wrong, but what.  She was just acting a little different, but there was nothing obviously wrong...we kept her quiet and she wanted to be in her cage, so we moved it into the house, we thought she might be a little bit sick. 

But, when I got home from work on Tuesday, I took one look at her and rushed her to the vet. She could not hold her back end up, it would flop over whenever she tried to stand up and her back feet were rolling over and she was walking on the tops of her feet.  My son had crocodile tears in his eyes when he asked me to "fix her".  I asked if he wanted to come with me and he quickly shook his head and said "no, he didn't want to be there...just in case".

The vet I took her to is a DVM who also practices holistic medicine. So we are doing a lot of alternative treatments as well.

At our appointment on Tuesday the vet determined that Mitzi somehow damaged a disc in her back, it is pretty common in long spined dogs such as her breed.  She was extremely hopeful that Mitzi would recover.  She was still wagging her tail, holding some weight on her back end, and feeling deep pain.

Today we went back, she is still wagging her tail and feeling deep pain.  She is no longer holding weight on her back end and she has lost urine and bowel control.  BUT, the vet is still hoping that once the swelling comes down that she will fully recover.  She asked if we would give her a couple of weeks of working with Mitzi before we make "the decision".

So on top of D, I am trying to save a parapalegic dog.  She is wearing diapers now and I am doing my darndest to "save her" for my son.

D, new job, sick dog, it's always crazy around here, I'm the mayor of crazytown!  :)

A Meaningful Choice

The end of July, the librarian that I work with texted me to tell me about 2 elementary school librarian positions that were open so that I could apply for them if I choose.  I scooted on over to the district website and saw those positions...but I also saw that a position as a library assistant at the high school my kids will be attending in 2 years was open.  I immediately saw the possibilities in this so  I applied.

I have been commuting 35 minutes to work, this school is 10 minutes away and it is only 1/2 mile from the school my children currently attend.  I am right down the road if Seth has a D emergency, there is a LOT of comfort in that, not to mention that the teen/hormone years will be much easier when we can tweak and do our pump magic at school together.  (The other assistant had some asperger issues with her son so they worked out a sign if he wanted to talk to her at school and then they had a place in the stacks they would meet and talk, I think this is a great idea and am going to offer that to my super private son.)

And seriously, how could I pass up the opportunity to work in the same school my kids will attend, get to know the same kids they will know, rub shoulders with the teachers who see them everyday?  If I can't be at home mom...this is the next best thing.

So Mark and I talked and I made the decision to table my dream of being an elementary librarian to further my dream of being mom to my children.  I only have 6 short years (this takes my breath away to even type it) of my children at home...I have plenty of time.  I don't ever want to have regrets.

Yesterday, when I accepted this position, I made a meaningful choice for myself and my family.  I feel blessed.

~B